The magic of getting things done through a little destruction

Burning a bridge is not necessarily a bad thing!

Fat Tom

Tom a good friend of mine was about 50 pounds overweight, which he justified by lifting weights and being a “big guy.” He disguised his weight with baggy muscle shirts and an inflated ego but deep down it shook him up, especially since his daughter was following his example. When at work Tom used to ask me non-stop questions about weight loss and nutrition. I would pour this information out like organic soy milk but Tom’s cup had holes. He didn’t really want to act on any of my advice, he wanted to keep his present habits and have me supply a magic nugget of knowledge to thinness.

Burning Tom’s bridge

Tom was approaching his 40th class reunion and was motivated to drop some weight. The questions increased although the action remained as dormant as dead manatee. This is when I decided to pull out the big guns. “Tom,” I said looking at him with frustration. “Do you really want to lose this weight or do you just want to bluster about it.” Tom rose to the challenge. “Ahhh… Yeah…” he said like a valley girl. “Okay, I can get 25 pounds off of you in one month if you promise to do what I say.” “Of course,” he said.

You hate the NAACP??

“What organization do you dislike the most?” To my shock he said, “The NAACP.” “What?? Why?? Never mind… How much money would be pretty painful for you to lose, a hundred, a thousand?”  Narrowing his eyes and trying to figure out my game he said, “I think about five hundred would really bug me.” “Okay I want you to write a check to the NAACP for 500 bucks.” Eyes still narrowed Tom wrote out the check and gave it to me. “Okay you trust me right?” He nodded not taking his eyes off the check. I then took it and put it in an envelope, addressed and stamped it. I could see Tom’s hands twitched as he imagined it being dropped in the post.

25 pounds melted off like butter

“What?! Are you nuts!? Ahhh… I can’t believe I gave you that check, give it back to me!” he said. “No way, you have one month, that is more than enough time to lose 25 pounds, you better get started today.” He started to whine, “What am I supposed to do? Eat? You’re kidding me?” I didn’t smile as I put the envelope in my bag and zipped it with finality. “You don’t need my help, you know what to do.”

Tom had one month to lose the 25 pounds or he was going to be out five hundred bucks. I set a clear date when the check would be mailed, the weight goal was clear and I made it crystal that if he was one pound off I was going to mail the check. I communicated with deadly seriousness that I would not be swayed and I could care less about his 500 bucks. Tom’s bridge was BURNT. Tom had no choice, either complete the task or take a painful loss.

Burning bridges is an art

Very few of us have the strength, willpower or discipline to follow through on certain tasks that we fear failing at. I am no exception; in fact I might be the worst of all of you. Following through is not my strong point and I have had to become a champion bridge burner to get what I want.

I believe this term came from Napoleon Bonaparte; he would send his troops in to battle and have the officers burn bridges as they went. He knew that without the ability to retreat the men would fight viciously to survive. This bit of human nature can be harnessed and used to tackle the tasks that terrify you the most.

To effectively bridge burn you must have a few conditions in place.

1. There is no flexibility or escape – The goal must be very very clear. For example “I am running” a marathon as opposed to “I will run a lot”. This is the main reason why people don’t follow through. The goal is not clear and they worm their way out of doing it.
2. The date or conditions must be clear to the dollar, day and pound – Same as above but it is so crucial that it is worth repeating.
3. You are accountable to another and check in at a set time on a set day without fail – Any of you ever been in AA? This is one of the major ways Alcoholics overcome their addiction. Accountability to another is 1000 times more powerful than accountability to oneself.
4. There are dire consequences to not completing the task – This can be embarrassment, a loss of money, or a punishment task.
5. The task is not too overwhelming, sometimes too much stress is paralyzing – For example if Tom had to lose 40 pounds he might choose not to act and let the 500 go.

Examples of bridge burning

Running your first marathon

• Goal clearly laid out along with a three month training plan
• You signed up and paid the $100 bucks for registration
• You convinced a friend to run it with you
• You have run a half marathon in the past so you know you can do it

Starting your own business

• Laid out exactly what you expect for this new business (more detail the better)
• You have invested a slightly painful amount of time/money that you don’t want to lose
• Found a business partner, friend or investor that you are accountable to
• You start out in your free time and keep your job. If it works well hopefully you can quit your job and do this full-time!  This prevents overwhelm freeze.

Going on a bike tour!

• Figured out exactly where you want to go and when you want to arrive
• Give exact dates to your  job and take a leave of absence or just quit
• Tell everyone on facebook that you are leaving on August 10th for Alaska
• You have toured before but just in case you do some long rides with gear 3 days a week

Bridge burning is something banks and credit card companies are masters at applying. Why not learn to be your own motivator by not allowing yourself a back door to sneak back to the TV and a beer? Become a master at sabotaging the saboteur.